


Nameless

by Erwins_eyebrows



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Beardwin, Depression, Dickwin, Enemies to Lovers, Erwin isn't always a dick, Healing, M/M, No Name, Rating May Change, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Triggers, might be sex later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:03:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14476230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erwins_eyebrows/pseuds/Erwins_eyebrows
Summary: Rising in popularity, the band No Name takes some time to convalesce after their most recent tour.  Levi finds himself battling his demons and exhaustion at a beach side Bed and Breakfast that is closed for the off-season.  The only drawback to his self-imposed solitude?  The property's caretaker, Erwin, an obnoxious dick who seems to want nothing more than piss Levi off.  But Erwin has some demons of his own.  The more time Levi spends at the coastal town, and around Erwin, the more he thinks that maybe Erwin may not be such a dick, but badly damaged.  Either way, Levi is struggling to keep his distance, even if the rational part of his mind protests vehemently.  Can these two broken souls put each other back together again?





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> First, I know I'm not done with Unexpected yet, but I've had this idea in my head for a long time, so I just wanted to get part of it out so it doesn't drive me crazy.
> 
> Second - Please read the tags. Major trigger warning - SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, ATTEMPT. Please don't read or skip over the first part of the chapter and go to the first page break if this bothers you. You have been warned.

* * *

 

Night had fallen and the bright lights from the city painted the dimly lit room in a palid yellow.  The balcony door was open letting in the sounds of traffic, the blare of sirens, and unintelligible chattering of passers by.  It also allowed for the cold autumn air to creep in, chilling his wet, naked skin, fresh from the shower. He entertained the thought of closing either the bathroom or balcony doors, but decided it would take too much effort and distract him on his current course of action.  He looked at himself in the the broken mirror and saw tired, bloodshot eyes staring back at him.

****

When was the last time he slept?

****

He eyed the prescription sleeping pills scattered across the sink, amongst the shards of the broken mirrored glass.  That’s right. It had been almost a week since he had come to the hotel. He hadn’t slept since before that night...the night when the last little bit of his life had ended.  The night he walked in to find his wife riding his best friend like she was born to do it.

****

At first he thought it was a terrible nightmare, then had come the shock, followed quickly by anger.  He started to call out to them, to let them know they had been caught, but despair decided to take the place of rage and he just...left.  He didn’t want to confront them, he didn’t even want to look at them.

****

_ <Where are you?  I’m worried. _>

****

The text had been received five days ago.  He still hadn’t answered. His wife couldn’t be too worried; she never bothered to follow up when he never texted her back.  The notification stayed on his lock screen, taunting him with false sincerity. She never called in a panic wanting to know why she hadn’t heard from him in a week.  No one else had tried to get in touch, worried about his whereabouts. He had no one...nothing. He grabbed his phone and opened a text box before he could change his mind.

****

< _Don’t worry about me.  You have Nile to take care of you now.  Be happy. > _

****

He placed his phone on the sink and picked up a sharp shard of glass.  He didn’t want this anymore. He didn’t want this job, didn’t want this sham of a marriage, didn’t want this name...he didn’t want this life.  He wanted peace. He wanted to just cease to exist. This world had gained nothing by him being in it. He was tired. Tired of pretending, tired of lying, tired of not mattering to anyone or anything, tired of waking up.  He was tired of himself, of his misery.

****

So it was going to end here.  Eli Stoltz was going to end here.

****

He gripped the glass tightly in his hand, cutting into his flesh, blood trickling from the cuts making the glass slippery in his grip.  He held out his left wrist, making sure to locate the correct vein. He pressed the glass to the smooth, unmarred skin of his wrist. When he felt the splash of a hot tear on his arm, he jerked in surprise, causing him to cut deeply into his wrist before he was ready.  Blood pooled and dropped red streaks down his arm.

****

He hadn’t realized he had been crying.  Why was he crying? He wanted this. He was supposed to be at peace with this and not sobbing on the bathroom floor, dripping blood everywhere.  It was nauseating seeing the pristine, sterile white of the bathroom being slowly painted with red of his blood. He was torn between throwing up and finishing what he started.

****

The shrill ringing of his cellphone drew his attention from the mess around him.  Anger flared for a moment, expecting the caller to be his wife. He picked up the device, preparing to throw the damn thing, but the name on the caller ID read Shadis, his manager.  He listened to the ringing until it stopped, staring at the unexpected name. A voicemail quickly popped up in his inbox, but the phone was ringing again before he had a chance to listen to it.  SHADIS appeared in big white letters across the screen. He hit ‘answer’ before he could think about what it meant.

****

“Eli?”  The older man’s voice was careful and even, but it did shake a little with concern or panic, he couldn’t be certain.

****

“Hi Keith,” he was able to choke out, throat raw and tight with tears and emotion.

****

“Where are you?  I haven’t heard from you all week.  You okay? I was starting to get worried.”

****

“Keith, I think I just screwed up.  I just...there’s so much blood. I don’t think I want to do this, but I don’t think I can stop myself either,” he sobbed into the phone.

****

“Hey, it’s okay.  I’m coming to you now.  Just tell me where you are and I’ll come get you, yeah?  Then we can figure out what to do from there. My wife is going to call EMS for me, but I have to know where you are, buddy.”

****

“I’m at the Regency at Highland Park.  Keith?” He started to panic as the line grew silent.

****

“I’m here, just getting in my car.  Stay on the line with me, I’m not going anywhere.”

****

“I’m sorry.  I really fucked up, right?  I’m so fucked up.” He curled into ball in the floor.

****

“You’re not fucked up, Eli.  You’ve just had enough of catering to everyone else.  It’s time to take care of you. Don’t be sorry. I’m just sorry I didn’t see this coming sooner.  But I’m here now, okay. I’m going to help you through this, but I need you to work with me, okay?”

****

“Yeah.  I’m so cold.  You’ll be here soon, right?”

****

“You know I will.  So keep talking to me, Eli.”

****

“I don’t like that name anymore,” he replied weakly, vision blurring.

****

“That’s fine, you don’t have to use it anymore if you don’t want.  Stay with me, Eli...Eli? ERWIN!”

****

* * *

_1 Year Later_

****

“Petra Ral, you ought to be ashamed!  I’m telling your husband that you’re looking at porn.”

****

“HANGE!  It’s not porn.  This is a fashion magazine, thank you!  I’m looking at all the past spreads from the Survey Corps fashion house. I’m trying to get a contract with them for Sina Fashion Week in the spring.  A lot of the designers are going to be using live music this year. I think it will be great exposure for No Name and really boost our exposure here at home, mimicking our success abroad.  The latest album is really doing well domestically and now is the time to really show what you guys can do. Survey Corps is the biggest name in fashion right now, so I’m hoping to land the gig with them.”

****

“The guy is naked.  It looks like porn to me.”  Hange grabbed the magazine from the band manager and pushed her glasses up to get a better look at the magazine spread.

****

“Who has porn?” Mike asked after he was awoken by Hange’s maniacal screeching.

****

“Apparently Petra.  I’m trying to block them out,” Levi replied from the far corner.  He had a book in front of his face as if it were a sound barrier.

****

“IT’S NOT PORN!”  Petra growled, fire dancing in her hazel eyes as she tugged on her strawberry blonde hair.  “I swear, I don’t know how I put up with the lot of you.”

****

“Come here you two and tell me this is a fashion advertisement.”  Hange motioned the two men to join her at the table. Mike was the first to rise, all 6’5” of him.  He scratched at the sandy blonde stubble along his chin as he approached Hange. Levi just sat in his spot, unmoving, uncaring.  “Levi!”

****

“What?  I’m comfortable.”  He stretched out his legs as if to prove his point.

****

“I’ll just annoy you until you come over here.  You know this, right?” Hange looked up at the man in question, cinnamon colored eyes twinkled mischievously.

****

“Gah, fine, shitty glasses.  I’m coming.” He put down the book he really wasn’t reading and made his way to the kitchenette table, almost losing his footing as the tour bus lurched as it hit a pothole.  “Damn. I hope Petra’s porn is worth this shit.”

****

“Oh but it is.”  Hange turned the magazine toward the two men in front of her.  

****

“If this is a fashion spread, I’m not sure what he is supposed to be advertising.”  Mike stated slowly, studying the page.

****

It was a black and white photograph of a wet, naked man, muscles rippling.  Rivulets if water ran sensually down the toned torso, highlighting every dip and curve of corded muscle.  One hand was pushing through wet, light colored hair while the other held a small scrap of fabric over his cock and balls, just enough to cover.  The partial side view gave a hint of a firm, sculpted ass. The only color on the page was the haunting, almost unnatural blue of the man’s eyes, set in a masculine, angular face with high cheekbones, sharp jaw, strong nose, and plump lips.  The top corner of the page read ‘Yes, Commander.’ Levi definitely considered this wanking material.

****

“What is this ad for, exactly?”  Levi asked.

****

“You three are hopeless.  It is for Survey Corps’ underwear line, Commander.  See, he is holding a pair of underwear,” Petra pointed out, annoyed.  The underwear in question was the scrap of fabric hiding the man’s naughty bits.

****

“I would figure it would be better advertising if he was, I dunno, actually wearing the underwear,” Mike said thoughtfully.

****

“I’m still not convinced it’s not porn,” Hange teased.

****

“Look him up.  That is Eli Stoltz.  He was apparently the face of the underwear line for quite some time.  It would be great if he was walking the catwalk at fashion week.” Petra was practically drooling as she tapped on her tablet before putting it down on the table between everyone, a webpage of images of Eli Stoltz staring back at them.

****

“Yeah, Great for who?  I don’t think Oulo would appreciate your enthusiasm,” Mike chuckled shoving the tablet toward Levi.

****

“I think he would be too much of a distraction myself,” Hange piped in, watching with concealed glee as Levi started scrolling through images.

****

“Please, He is hardly your type, Hange.  I doubt that you would be distracted by him.”  He enlarged a thumbnail of Stoltz with his tightly muscled back to the camera, looking over a shoulder.  His golden-blonde hair styled nearly in a side part, military in its appearance. His large hands were in the process of pulling up a pair of black boxer briefs, one naked ass cheek showing, marred with lip prints in bright red.  ‘Yes, Commander’ scrolled across the bottom of the page.

****

“I meant that you would be so distracted that you would forget the lyrics.” Hange grabbed the tablet from Levi and started doing some scrolling of her own.

****

“Fuck you,” Levi spat.  “I’m not interested in some Ken-doll, pretty boy.”

****

“ _Really?_  So this does nothing for you?”  Hange had found another ad. This one had the blonde laying his back, head thrown back in ecstasy, while an auburn-haired woman nestled into his chest, opened mouthed as her small hand tugged at the waistband of red bikini briefs.  Based on the angle of the shot, the man looked to be well endowed. It also gave a nice view of the most beautiful set of thighs Levi had ever seen on a man. ‘Yes, Commander’ was again written across the page, but took on a whole new message in the context of this photograph.  His eye twitched because he wasn’t unaffected by the sight, and Hange knew it.

****

“So, he’s hot as fuck, but not a distraction.  He’s probably a real douche and straight, so I wouldn’t give him a second thought.”

****

“Keep telling yourself that, Levi,” Hange chuckled, clearly poking fun at him.

****

“What the hell is your problem?  What point are you trying to make exactly?”  Levi practically growled.

****

“No point, just teasing.  Lighten up. You’ve been a real dick since you broke up with that roadie.  Eld was it?” Hange sighed and gave Petra back her tablet.

****

“Eld wasn’t a roadie.  He was just helping out allegedly to spend more time with me.  In the end, he just couldn’t handle the lifestyle, so he went home.  So, excuse me if I’m not jumping on every dick I see.”

****

“Hold up, Queen Bitch, don’t get your tits in a twist.  I wasn’t suggesting that you start sleeping around. I’m just saying maybe you should rub one out every once in a while...and suggesting some exceptioal eye candy for reference.”  Hange grinned manically. “I doubt your choice of reading material is much inspiration for more carnal endeavors. Unless man-eating giants really do it for ya.”

****

“Go to hell.”

****

“I’m already there, sweet cheeks.  Being confined in a bus with you for days is hell,” Hange snapped uncharacteristically

****

“That’s enough you two,” Mike interrupted.  “Hange, if Levi wants to get his jollies from the morbid mind of E.J. Smith, then, by all means, let him.  And Levi, Hange actually has a point. You have been a right bitch these past couple of weeks. I think close quarters is getting to all of us.”

****

“Thank god that we’re done touring for now,” Petra sighed, flopping back in a chair.  “Not that I don’t love you clowns, but I miss my husband. Where are you guys going to lay low, hide identities and all that?”  

****

“I’m staying with an old high school friend, Nanaba.  She owns a vineyard, so I guess I will be helping to make wine,” Mike stated.

****

“Oh, I guess I will be staying with my half sister, Ilse, help babysit her kids and all that,” Hange chimed in.

****

“You mean to tell me that there is more than one of you.  Heaven help us,” Levi groaned.

****

“And what about you, smarty pants?” The brunette asked.  “Staying with Isabel and Farlan again?”

****

“No, they’re still not speaking with me.  I’m going to stay at the Jaeger’s B&B at Paradis beach since they closed it for the off season.  The only other person there will be the caretaker, so hopefully I can write for our next album.”

****

“I’m sure Isabel and Farlan will come around,” Mike consoled.

****

“Yeah, whatever.  I’m just looking forward to peace and privacy.”

****

* * *

****

Peace and privacy was definitely a guarantee based on the darkness of the quaint little B&B as the taxi pulled up the drive.  Only a dim porch light was on in the quickly fading light of the autumn evening. Days were getting shorter, and it was almost dark even though it wasn’t quite 7 pm.  Levi noted the chill sea breeze as he exited the cab and started gathering his belongings.

****

The B&B was a quaint cottage-style home with attached garage, perched directly on the beach among the grassy dunes.  There was a crushed shell walkway lined with lush, low lying tropical plants that led to a small boathouse beside the small private access dock.  There were some lights on in the boathouse and Levi assumed that was where the caretaker must reside.

****

The cabbie helped him unload his luggage and Levi made sure to give him a decent tip.  He walked up to the front door of the B&B, hoping that the Jaegers didn’t forget to leave him a key.  He searched around the porch and potted plants, hoping to find something that would hold a key.

****

“Can I help you?”  The deep voice came from behind and Levi jumped.  He thought for a moment that he may have pissed himself.  His heart pounded in his chest from the scare.

****

“The fuck?”  He shouted as he turned.  “Warn a man will you.”

****

“Well, excuse me for questioning a stranger poking around in the dark.  This establishment is closed for the season.”

****

The man that approached was large, tall, and broad shouldered.  He stood probably a foot taller than Levi. His blonde hair was short and messy, sticking up in multiple directions as if he had ran his fingers through it multiple times.  His dark blonde beard was short but neatly trimmed, and drew attention to a full set of lips that were currently set in a frown. A pair of unnervingly crystal blue eyes stared from behind a pair of wire-framed glasses.  His large, prominent eyebrows were drawn together in annoyance. He wore a dark blue, threadbare sweatshirt that was at least a size too big, a pair of baggy, shapeless sweatpants, and battered running shoes. If he hadn’t smelled like fresh laundry and soap, Levi would have thought him to be homeless.

****

“Are you the caretaker?  I’ve already spoken with Carla.  I’m Levi Ackerman. She said I could stay here for a while.”

****

“You were supposed to be here yesterday.  I assumed you changed your mind.” The blonde dug in the pocket of his sweatshirt and produced a key.

****

“Well, the tour bus broke down and we had to take a slight detour.”

****

“It would have been nice to know when to expect you,” The blonde huffed as he unlocked the door.  He entered first, turning on lights.

****

“You’re not my mother or my keeper, so I’m not seeing an issue,” Levi spat as he hauled his luggage inside, without the blonde’s help, because the man had yet to offer it.

****

“No, thank god, but I do have other things to do besides waiting around for you to decide to show up.  This isn’t during the normal season, so there is no one here to be at your beck and call, your majesty.  I just watch the place while the Jaegers are out of town, I’m not here to wait on you.” The blonde stood in the spacious living area as he waited for Levi to drag in the rest of his bags.

****

“The guest rooms are upstairs.  Take your pick. Only two have adjoining bathrooms if that makes a difference.  Please try to use only one room during your stay. The garage has been converted into a gym, if that interests you.  The only television available to guests is in here. The kitchen is through the double doors on the far end of the dining room.  It’s pretty well stocked right now. I stay in the boathouse, but I’m up here for meals since it doesn’t have a kitchen. I also use the gym most mornings.  If you need anything, either come get me or my number is on the fridge. I’m here most days since I work from home. So, long as you don’t make a lot of noise, we’ll get along just dandy,” the blonde stayed dryly.  Levi’s nostrils flared on annoyance.

****

“What about groceries or if I need something from town?”  Levi asked.

****

“Town is within walking distance, or you can go when I go, usually on Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

****

“No, I mean I don’t want anyone to recognize me.  I don’t know if Carla explained it to you, but I’m in a pretty popular band, and our trademark is that no one knows our real identities.  I don’t want to be recognized.” Levi hoped that man would understand.

****

“I’m sorry-“

****

“That’s okay, you didn’t know-“

****

“No, I’m sorry that I gave you the impression that I cared that you may be a famous musician, or any other overblown alleged issues you may have.”

****

Man. What. A. Dick.

****

“Excuse me, Blondie?  But what the fuck is your major malfunction?”

****

“It’s Erwin, not Blondie.  I don’t have a malfunction.  I’m not here to cater to you.  If you want that, I suggest you get a personal assistant, or a nanny.  The only people here this time of year are the locals, and most of them are older or fisherman.  I doubt they are your usual demographic. But, since I am willing to compromise slightly, if you need something, leave me list.  Will that appease your wounded pride, princess?”

****

“Fine, Erwin.  I can see having you as a neighbor is going to be shits and giggles,” Levi spat, already disliking this man immensely.

****

“I’m past the point in my life where I give a flying fuck what anyone thinks about me.  Just don’t make a lot of racket or create a huge mess, and you’ll hardly know I’m even here.  Here’s your key. Have a good one, Mr. Ackerman.” Erwin turned and threw a half-hearted waive over his shoulder before leaving the house.

****

“What a fucking dick-head.”  Levi said to himself incredulously.  “Too bad, the beard was kinda hot.” He said with a shrug before hauling his luggage upstairs.  It took several trips and he decided on the attic room since it was the largest, with a sitting area and adjoining bathroom.  He collapsed on the bed face-first after removing his shoes, and fell asleep almost immediately, too exhausted to even dream.

 

* * *

  
  
  



	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would be dawn soon, and Erwin debated the likelihood of being able to fall back to sleep. He was usually up early, but not this early. However, the nightmare left him feeling restless, and it still left its fingerprints etched into his brain. A restful sleep could not be had in his current mindset. 
> 
>  
> 
> He forced himself to sit up in bed despite the thick, cottony tendrils of sleep still clinging to his consciousness. It was going to be one of those days...those difficult days when his feet felt like lead, and his mouth tasted of the bitterness creeping up from his soul. His psychiatrist called them “down days” as a way to sugarcoat it. Keith called them his “off days” because he was too nice to say anything else. His publisher, Dot Pixis, called them his “bitchy days” because he was an old drunk and he had long ago lost his filter.
> 
>  
> 
> Erwin just referred to them as Hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but work has been kicking my butt. Here is chapter 2. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings PLEASE READ! There is a mention of the use of exercise as a form of self harm. Please don't read that part if this may be something that bothers you. I have marked off that paragraph with double dashes (--) to be safe. It really is a very brief mention, but I like to err on the side of caution.

* * *

 

Erwin woke with gasp, drenched in a cold    sweat, heart pounding. It was dark and still outside his window, the only sounds being the gently crashing waves and the tinkling of wind chimes.  He looked at the clock. It was far too early to be considered late, and way too late to be considered early. It was in between…’the Waiting Place,’ to quote Dr. Seuss (who was a completely underrated philosopher in Erwin’s opinion).

****

It would be dawn soon, and Erwin debated the likelihood of being able to fall back to sleep.  He was usually up early, but not this early. However, the nightmare left him feeling restless, and it still left its fingerprints etched into his brain.  A restful sleep could not be had in his current mindset.

****

He forced himself to sit up in bed despite the thick, cottony tendrils of sleep still clinging to his consciousness.  It was going to be one of those days...those difficult days when his feet felt like lead, and his mouth tasted of the bitterness creeping up from his soul.  His psychiatrist called them “down days” as a way to sugarcoat it. Keith called them his “off days” because he was too nice to say anything else. His publisher, Dot Pixis, called them his “bitchy days” because he was an old drunk and he had long ago lost his filter.

****

Erwin just referred to them as Hell.

****

“Hell Days” usually stemmed from these grotesque, vivid dreams filled with blood and gore.  The nightmares were really nonsensical and had no basis in reality, but they were brutal and so detailed that they left him shaken and sick.  His psychiatrist suggested that he start writing them down as a way to cope with the twisted imagery that came from the darkest recesses of his mind, so he did.  While it helped somewhat, he was so emotionally invested into these dreams that he felt that he needed some sort of hope to help him process the utter destruction wrought in his subconscious mind.  

****

That was how the bestselling novel series _TITAN_ was born.  From the disturbing, twisted images that violated him when he was the most vulnerable, came an imaginary world of despair, hopelessness, and horrendous monsters.  It honestly baffled him how anyone would want to read anything coming from his sick, deranged mind, but here he was working on the fourth book of the series.

****

\--

****

He probably needed to write the dream down while it was still fresh in his mind, but the bile in the back of his throat suggested that he wait until it was a little less fresh.  He stood and walked over to his dresser to pull out some clothes warm enough to jog in. The sea air was cool when the sun was out, but absolutely chilling at this hour. He needed to run.  Run until his body gave out and he was too tired to be locked inside his overactive imagination. He had to be careful though. Some days he tended to over do it, and that came too close to “self-harm” he was warned.  He did not relish another trip to the hospital.

****

\--

****

He was going to get better damn it!  Not healed, but better...better than a year ago.  He would learn to be content with himself, maybe even be _happy_ again.  But first...first he had to make it through the morning without throwing up.  

****

He quickly pulled on the bulky, shapeless clothes and shoved his feet in his running shoes.  He shivered as the breeze from the ocean ruffled his hair and sent cooling shivers down his spine.  It was probably going to be a short run today. He didn’t know if he was in the mood to handle the cold.  He pulled up the hood of his sweatshirt and set out. He would be back by dawn.

****

* * *

 

Jet lag was a bitch Levi was certain as he woke as the sun started to rise over the horizon.  It was too fucking early to be awake, even if his internal clock told him differently. He was tired and dehydrated and cranky, but, for the life of him, he could not go back to sleep.  He grunted and rose from the bed, still in the jeans and shirt he had on last night. Although, at some point, he did remove his boots and jacket.

****

He stretched out a few kinks in his back, his spine popping loudly, and walked over to the window to watch the sunrise.  The morning sky was alight with pinks and oranges, giving the beach below a ethereal feel. He watched as the sunlight danced across the waves, glittering on the water until they violently crashed upon the sand.  It was surprisingly calming. At least until he saw the figure running along the shore as if the devil was at his heels.

****

His new neighbor, Erwin.  The man was pushing himself hard out there, and, by the looks of things, he had been out there a while.  His baggy sweatshirt was soaked through with sweat, and his blonde hair was plastered to his face. He had stopped and dropped his hands to his knees to catch his breath, and Levi wondered for a moment if he should be worried.

****

Maybe the guy was trying really hard to get into shape.  It was hard to tell what was hiding under those awful clothes.  If he was out of shape, he could be having a heart attack right now.  Levi started to go down and check on him, but Erwin stood up and walked toward the B&B.  Levi decided it was a good time to get his day started.

****

* * *

****

Erwin was standing over the sink guzzling water when he heard the dark-haired man enter the room.  He was still out of breath and panting when he looked over his shoulder at Levi. The smaller man had an odd expression on his face and Erwin just raised an eyebrow as he re-filled his glass.

****

“You gonna make it?  You look like you’re going to kill over,” the man finally said, breaking the silence.

****

“I’m fine,” Erwin lied.  He was still feeling the leftover vestiges of nausea brought about from his nightmares, but that wasn’t any of Levi’s business.

****

“You smell,” the smaller man complained as his nose wrinkled in disgust.

****

“Then don’t stand down wind.”  Erwin shrugged and took another drink of water.

****

“Are you always a smart ass?”  Levi asked.

****

“That depends.  Are you always such a diva?”  Erwin countered.

****

“Fuck you.  I’m not a diva.”

****

“I call it as I see it, princess.”

****

“You’re so fucking annoying,” the raven-haired man spat.

****

“Hate that for you.  Now if will excuse me, your Excellence, this peasant has been informed that my odor is offensive, so I take my leave from you.” Erwin mock-bowed and turned sharply on his heel and left.  He was able to make it to the sanctity of the boathouse before he threw up. Maybe he had pushed too hard on his run. A cool shower should help settle his stomach long enough to eat something.  And Levi was right, he did smell.

****

He quickly stripped and turned on the shower, not waiting for the water to warm before stepping in.  His mind raced through the images of his nightmares, re-imagining them into words. By the time he was finished showering, he was rushing for a notepad and pen.  He quickly scribbled down notes as he brushed his teeth. He started mapping out his next chapter as he dressed in another shapeless outfit. By the time he returned to the main house to fix breakfast, he was sorting through his notes and drafting his next chapter from an app on his phone.

****

He wasn’t paying attention to his surroundings as he entered the kitchen, typing frantically with one hand while the other held his messy scribbles.  His lips quietly read out the words as he typed and his pen hung precariously behind his ear. He walked right past Levi, who was perched on a barstool at the kitchen island, not even realizing he wasn’t alone.  He laid his notes on the counter as he approached the refrigerator and pulled out a carton of eggs, eyes never leaving his phone and completely oblivious to his audience.

****

* * *

****

Levi watched in silence as Erwin reentered the kitchen, freshly showered, about twenty minutes after his initial departure.  The blonde walked blindly past him, lost in his own world, thumb flying across the keyboard of his phone. If it was possible, the man looked even more disheveled than the night before.  The clothes were still loose and boring, his glasses slipped down the harsh slope of his nose, and the beard was a little less tidy. Did the man ever comb his hair? At least he smelled better.

****

Levi was almost amused as the blonde dug through the refrigerator absently, eyes never leaving his phone screen.  Erwin put some eggs in a pot and poured water over them, and sat them on the stove to boil. He looked back over at the chicken scratch over various pieces of paper and settled against the counter, typing never ceasing.

****

“It helps if you turn the stove on, idiot,” Levi grumbled.  Erwin practically jumped out of his skin.

****

“What?”  He snapped.

****

“The stove, you have to turn it on.  I mean, if you like raw, wet eggs, be my guest, but I assume you were going to boil them.”  Levi took a sip of his tea and realization dawned on the other man. He looked at Levi and back at the stove.

****

“Oh, thank you.”  Erwin reached over and lit the stove.

****

“What the hell are you doing?   Texting your BFF?”

****

“Hardly.  I don’t text.  I don’t really talk to people in general.”  Erwin’s gaze had returned to his phone and he didn’t bother looking up to address Levi.

****

“Well, there’s a shocker.  You? Anti-social? I would have never guessed a polite, outgoing, social butterfly such as yourself didn’t like people.”  Sarcasm dripped from Levi’s tone.

****

“I’m about as socially adept as you, so you should be able to relate I suppose,” Erwin said absently, still typing.

****

“You never did answer my question.  What the hell are you doing?”

****

“Writing.”  Erwin glanced up for a second and adjusted his glasses before returning to the phone in front of him.

****

“No shit.  I’m surprised a neanderthal like you can read, let alone write.”  Levi snorted. “I meant, what are you writing?”

****

“I’m aware as to what you are inquiring.  I just chose not to answer. I guess I could just tell you that it’s none of your business.”  Erwin shrugged.

****

“Wow, the longer I’m around you, the more ways you find to piss me off.”

****

“I fail to see how that is my problem.  You must be too sensitive and anger easily.  The logical solution would be to not be around me,” Erwin stated, as if explaining something to a child.

****

“I’m trying to be polite and have a conversation, you asshole.  I figured that it would be more comfortable since we will have to see each other on a regular basis for the next few months.”

****

“Of course, but I really don’t care if you like me or not.  I’m afraid that if you are looking for polite and platitudinous conversation, you will be disappointed,” Erwin informed.

****

“I see.  Okay, fine, go ahead and be a dick.  I don’t give a flying fuck. I guess I’ll see you around.”  Levi got up and left. Erwin didn’t even look up to acknowledge that he had been abandoned.

****

* * *

****

It took a few days, but Levi learned Erwin’s schedule in an effort to best avoid him.  He noticed that the blonde would run or exercise in the gym most mornings before sunrise or shortly thereafter.  He only slept in one day, and he was scarce for most of it, only coming out of the boathouse once for a late dinner.  

****

Levi found himself surprisingly worried about him that day.

****

“Why the fuck should I care, fat-ass slob,” Levi muttered to himself, absently plucking at his guitar.  It’s just...the haunted, pained look on the blonde’s face that evening resonated with Levi. It was like seeing the embodiment of his own torment and anguish.  It was as if his body was alive but his soul was dead. He was hesitant to admit, but he could relate to this side of Erwin. The Erwin who was fighting demons only he could see, and struggling to come out the victor - bruised and scarred, but surviving full of guilt and shame.  In that regard, Erwin was an old friend, a soulmate.

****

He wasn’t here to find a soulmate.

****

So, they continued to avoid each other, Levi unconsciously adjusting to the schedule Erwin made.  It was easy. Erwin was reclusive at best, a veritable hermit at worst, and Levi...actually hated all the fucking silence to the point that he thought he was going to go insane.

****

He wasn’t used to quiet.  He had been touring with idiots who were anything but quiet.  He couldn’t think, couldn’t concentrate. He was supposed to writing for the next album, dammit!  Maybe he should have tried to call Farlan and Isabel after all. The silence was so deafening that the sound of his phone ringing startled him so badly that he actually jumped.

****

“Hello.”  Levi winced at the sound of voice, gravelly with disuse.

****

“Levi?  You okay?  Not getting sick are you?”  Mike always sounded so damn chipper.

****

“I’m fine.  Just enjoying the quiet...it is sooo quiet.”  Mike laughed at Levi.

****

“I can’t say the same here. Nanaba...well she just went through a hellish divorce and-“

****

“Let me guess, you’re her rebound.”  Levi almost envied Mike. He couldn’t remember the last time he had sex.

****

“I guess you could say that.  Not that I’m complaining. She’s got a lot of pent-up rage and sexual frustration.  It’s really hot.” Mike already sounded head over heels. He was a nice guy who didn’t do casual flings, so Levi did worry a little for his friend, but if Mike was having fun…

****

“More power to you.  But I’m hoping you didn’t call to tell me about your sex life.”

****

“No, actually, but it is fun to rub it in, since I can tell by your tone that you ain’t gettin’ laid.   _And_ you won’t as long as you keep that stick up your ass.”  Mike chuckled.

****

“You’re not funny.  If Nanaba told you that you were, she lied...she’s just trying to get to your dick.”  Levi felt himself relax for the first time in days. He hadn’t realized that he was constantly on edge being around his reluctant neighbor, but the familiar sound of Mike’s voice had done wonders for his sanity.

****

“Okay, the real reason I called is for Petra.  She told me that she actually spoke to someone about that Fashion Week crap, and they want to hear some of our stuff and maybe see some performance videos.  She thought I had them, but I know you and Hange were doing some edits to the performance videos. I can get a few of our songs together, but I need the videos and want your input on what tracks you would like to send.”

****

They spent the next hour going over videos and song tracks.  They even got Hange on three-way to get her input as well. By the time Levi disconnected the call, he felt a little lighter and more inspired.  He began strumming a few chords when he heard the front door open. It was Erwin, dressed a little nicer than usual. He was wearing a pair of dark-wash jeans and an ugly as hell sweater with some garish pattern on it, but it was an improvement, no matter how terrible the overall look was.

****

“Got a hot date?” Levi snarked as he continued to create a melody.

****

“Hardly,” Erwin snorted as if it was the most preposterous thing Levi could have ever said.  “I’m going into town to do some grocery shopping. I just came by to make a list and to see if needed anything, since you refuse to go to town.”  

****

“I don’t refuse.  I just don’t want to be recognized.  I came here for peace and anonymity.”  

****

“I seriously doubt you’ll be recognized.  I don’t know who you are. I’m probably the closest thing to ‘hip’ around here this time of year.  In the summer you may have to worry.”

****

“God, did you just refer to yourself as hip?”  Levi rolled his eyes. “And for your information, I’m in the band No Name.”

****

“Never heard of you,” Erwin said with an unapologetic shrug.

****

“That’s because you use words like hip.  If you were truly in the know, we could probably actually hold a conversation.”  Levi put down his guitar. Erwin sighed.

****

“Do you have a list or not?” the blonde asked, exasperated.

****

“Actually,” Levi said, standing.  “I’ll do one better and go with you.”

****

“Go with me?”  Erwin’s bafflement was almost cute.  “My god, why would you want to? I’m an asshole.”

****

“I guess acceptance is the first step,” The dark-haired man murmured.  “Well, since you’re so hip and all, maybe I can get some fresh air and take in the sights or some shit.  Someone has to keep your lard-ass from biting people and scaring the children. I’m doing this for the children, Erwin.”

****

“Lard-ass?  Is that what you think?”  Erwin looked down at himself and trying to peek over his shoulder to gauge the size of his rear.

****

“Who the hell knows what’s hiding underneath,” Levi gestured at Erwin, “all of that.”

****

“I’m comfortable.  That’s what matters.”  Erwin didn’t sound so certain.

****

“If you say so, hipster.  Come on, let’s go before it gets too dark to see everything.”  Levi pulled on some shoes while Erwin made a list. Within five minutes they were sitting uncomfortably in Erwin’s car.  Erwin’s very nice car.

****

“What the hell!  You didn’t tell me that you’re car is cooler than you.”

****

“And just how do you propose that I initiate that conversation.  Hey Levi, I’ve known you for a hot minute, want to take a ride in my car?  It’s really pretty. That doesn’t sound like a sexual predator at all,” Erwin said sarcastically.

****

“Well, you have a point...and, apparently, a sense of humor.  I’m almost impressed.”

****

“Sure,” Erwin spat.  “You must be easily impressed.”

****

“And it’s over.  I actually thought for a moment that we could hold a conversation without you being a dick.”  Levi leaned back in the seat and looked out the window.

****

“I did warn you, but you tagged along anyway.”  Erwin seemed unaffected by Levi’s displeasure, and Levi wondered for a moment how anyone could be such an _ass_ , and not even care.  It was almost as if Erwin went out of his way to be taciturn and disagreeable.  They rode in silence, but it was thankfully a short trip. The town was not very big, and many of the businesses were closed for the off-season, catering only to the tourist crowd.  When the pulled into the small parking lot of a Mom & Pop grocery store, Levi almost groaned. He had a feeling that he would not find half of the things on his list.

****

“Is this it?”  Levi had exited the car and looked around the town.

****

“This is it.  At least this time of year.  I tried to tell you that it wasn’t very impressive.”  Erwin didn’t even bother to lock the car as he walked toward the entrance of the store.

****

“Erwin!  How lovely to see you!”  The blonde was greeted by an older woman sitting behind the ancient cash register, a smile lighting up her face.

****

“Ms. Kirstein, how are you this evening?”  A smile lit up the blonde’s face, and Levi thought he might have stepped into the Twilight Zone.  This was the first time he had seen Erwin smile, and hot damn, the fucker was too handsome for his own good.

****

“Oh, you know, I’m well.  It’s quiet when Jean-boy isn’t around.  He went camping with a few of his friends for a couple of weeks.  I don’t know why anyone would want to camp in this cold weather, but boys will be boys,” she chatted as she took the grocery list from Erwin.  “Is this all? I swear, you are going to be nothing but skin and bones if you don’t start eating more. You need to come over for dinner sometime.  She handed off the list to a teenage boy who immediately began filling the order.

****

“I would, but I keep such odd hours, it’s impossible to tell when I am available.”  Erwin grinned roguishly, and Levi knew he just wormed his way out of a dinner invitation.

****

“Okay, Mr. Hotshot Author.  I suppose you have to write when you’re inspired.  Although, I must say, that I haven’t been able to read those books myself.  They are…”

****

“Not for everyone.  I completely understand.  I’m not offended. I’m flattered that you even tried.”  Erwin only waived a hand, dismissing her feelings of guilt.

****

“Oh, I’m being rude.  I didn’t realize that you brought a friend.  He was being so quiet.” Ms. Kirstein looked over at Levi.  “Is this a new boyfriend? There will be a lot of people in this town that will be sad to hear that you’re off the market.”

****

“No, he’s not my boyfriend, so the fan club can rest easy.  Levi is staying at the B&B for the off season. He wanted to tag along and get a few things himself and to get a feel for town.”

****

“Such a shame.  I hate that you stay up there, alone.  You need someone to keep you company, Erwin.  No man is an island.” She took the list from Levi and called over the assistant to fill his order as well.

****

“Maybe so, but I’m not that easy to get along with, I’m afraid,” Erwin stated.

****

“You can say that again,” Levi interjected.

****

“Levi, was it?  It’s a pleasure to meet you.”  

****

“Same here.”

****

“I know you’re on vacation, but do try to keep our Erwin here company.  It’s not good for him to work all the time.” Ms. Kirstein smiled at him.

****

“I have deadlines!” Erwin protested teasingly.  “My publisher would skin me alive if I were to slack off.  And you’ve met Pixis.”

****

“Yeah, and he is nothing but a lush.  You work too hard.” She patted Erwin on the cheek and started ringing up His purchases.

****

“Publisher?  You’re a published writer?”  Levi was surprised as the others at his outburst.

****

“Yes, Erwin writes-“

****

“Let him figure it out,” Erwin interrupted.  “It will be more fun that way.”

****

“Really?  You’re just going to leave me hanging?  And since when are you fun?” Levi studied the man beside him.  He may actually be interesting, but his attitude was too off-putting for Levi to try to figure him out.  

****

“Don’t worry, Levi.  Erwin is really a sweetheart once he warms up to you.  He only sounds like a big ol’ grizzly bear at first, but he really is just a teddy bear.”  Ms. Kirstein finished bagging and ringing up the groceries.

****

“I somehow doubt that,” Levi argued and Erwin gave him a look that was clear that he agreed with this assessment.

****

“Levi is a musician,” Erwin announced with glee, and Levi growled.

****

“Oh really?  Well that’s exciting.  The Jolly Roger has open mic night on Thursdays.  Maybe you can win some cash. All you young artists struggle so hard to make ends meet.”  The older woman just smiled.

****

“Jolly Rogers?”  Levi ventured.

****

“A local pub.  They have really good hush puppies.”  Erwin answered, grin lighting up his features.  He looked smug and mischievous...and so damn handsome, Levi almost forgot to be annoyed with him...almost.  “We can sign you up for the next open mic night while we are in town! Put you up against all the local talent and see how you measure up.”

****

“I hate you.  I wouldn’t piss in your mouth if your guts were on fire.”  Levi fought the urge to smack the smug look off the blonde’s face.

****

“Now, Levi, that’s not nice.”

****

“Are you sure you’re not an item.  You two argue like an old married couple.”  Ms. Kirstein observed as she handed Erwin his change.

****

“Completely certain.  I would probably kill myself if I had to be in a relationship with him,” Levi confirmed.  Erwin went still and silent, and Levi almost could feel the chill in the air with the change.

****

“Thank you, Ms. Kirstein.  Levi, I’ll wait for you in the car.”  He turned and left, leaving Levi confused and a little pissed.  He quickly paid for his groceries and found Erwin sitting in the car in silence, radio not even playing.

****

“What was that about?”  Levi asked as he entered the car.

****

“I’m sure I have no idea what you are talking about.  Is there anything else you need?” Levi shook his head, and Erwin nodded.  “Home it is.” Levi wanted to start a conversation, but was uncertain as to how.  Erwin was as silent as the grave and, for some reason, Levi felt the need to apologize, like he had committed some wrong.  Instead, he just turned and looked out the window as they made their way back to the B&B. Erwin was a conundrum, and Levi didn’t have the energy or desire to figure him out.  This only strengthened his resolve to avoid him - like the plague.

****

At least that is what he told himself as they quickly and quietly put away groceries together, and didn’t even bother to speak a farewell as Erwin went back to the boathouse, alone, in the dark.  He became even more determined to avoid him as he readied himself for bed and looked out the window at the low, solitary light coming from the boathouse. It was as good as done as he drifted off to sleep that night.

****

However, what really happened, was Levi rising early, before dawn, and making his way down to the beach to ask Erwin if he could join him on his run.  The shocked look in those blue eyes was the most alive Erwin looked since Levi had been here, and he knew that he had made the right decision as he fell in step with the blonde’s long strides.  Levi had a habit of pushing others away because of his past mistakes. It was a painful, lonely existence. He and Erwin of the same ilk, and Levi was determined that if he could create an amicable relationship with Erwin, maybe he could fix himself and his more important relationships that have gone too long neglected.

****

Erwin may of thought of himself as dead, but Levi was going to prove that he had a life yet to live...whether Erwin liked it or not.  Not because Erwin needed it, but because Levi needed to prove to himself that he was worth something again.

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think. I appreciate you guys for reading.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin woke just a couple of hours later, brain too active to rest. He hurriedly dressed and readied himself for his usual morning jog. He walked outside, bracing himself for cold only to be gobsmacked by the sight of Levi standing in front of him in a pair of sweatpants and a thick fleece hoodie.
> 
> “You’re going jogging, right?” Levi’s mouth was turned down into a frown. Erwin could only nod. “Well, let’s get to it, then, before I freeze my fucking balls off. What kind of stupid ass runs outside when it’s this damn cold.”
> 
> “I do not recollect requesting that you accompany me, my fragile little flower,” was Erwin’s quick reply.
> 
> “Lucky for you, I volunteered,” The shorter man quipped.
> 
> “Yes, to be so lucky,” Erwin sighed. “Well, Princess, do try to keep up.” With that, Erwin took off running like the devil was on his heels, leaving his companion standing in the early morning fog.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I didn't realize it had been so long since I updated this. So sorry about that. There's a lot of dialogue in this chapter, so I hope it isn't too hard to follow. A special shout out to one of my favorite people - @danchoupls for giving me this amazing
> 
> [fanart](https://danchoupls.tumblr.com/post/175214510157/author-erwin-and-musician-levi-for-the-lovely-and)   
> 
> 
> for this. You continue to support and inspire me! Thank you!
> 
> Slight trigger warnings for self-depreciation and a mention of previous suicide attempt. I will mark these areas with (*****) if you would like to skip.

* * *

 

(*****)

_ “I would probably kill myself if I had to be in a relationship with him.” _

 

The words echoed in Erwin’s head as he drove back to the B&B.  His left wrist burned, hidden under a too long sleeve, and he ached to scratch it until the scar tore open and bled.  He was distressed by just how much Levi’s crass (and, admittingly, well deserved) words bothered him. He didn’t deserve kindness from the other man, didn’t expect it, nor did he think he wanted it.  But the carelessly uttered phrase spoke of the echoing sense of failure that constantly reverberated in his mind. He had failed at his career - letting Keith down. He had failed at his marriage - watching as his wife ran into the arms of his best friend.  He had failed in killing himself - expecting that the world would be a better place without him. Now he was failing at being a decent human being - once again proving that he was incapable of moving past his first three failures. He didn’t know how he felt or what to say, so he just withdrew himself and became silent.

 

(*****)

 

The silence did make for an uncomfortable ride, but he didn’t want to say anything that would betray how deeply Levi’s comment affected him.  The silence continued as they unloaded the groceries, stepping around each other awkwardly in the kitchen. He hastily bid Levi a goodnight, not waiting for a response before departing.  He was running and hiding like a coward, but at least he was a man enough to admit this to himself.

 

He sighed in relief when he entered the dark sanctuary of the boathouse.  The slight chill of the main living area allowed him to breathe a little easier.  He shrugged out of his coat hastily as if its weight was smothering him. His sweater was quick to follow.  He left both in a pile on the floor and shucked his shoes off, both landing with loud thuds in the quiet stillness of the room.  He padded sluggishly to the bedroom in complete darkness. Only when he reached the desk in the corner of the room did he bother to flick on a lamp.  He blinked a few times as his eyes adjusted to the light. 

 

The world was still, dark, and desolate outside the window, the only sign of life being the soft light of the attic coming from the B&B and flickering of the lighthouse in the distance.  And for the first time in a long time Erwin felt...lonely.

 

He grabbed his cigarettes and lighter from the desk and cracked the window.  The cool autumn air helped the suffocating stuffiness of the room and revitalized his mood.  This was a minor setback, just a brief moment of weakness, but he was recovering and moving forward.  Maybe he should thank Levi for being the ass that he was, for reminding him why he kept his distance, and isolated himself from everyone.  Levi was a pretty package, fine to look at from a distance, but underneath the pretty was poisonous barbs and a cutting tongue. Erwin was wise not to get close, to push away.  Levi could make him want things he used to have. Things that could either destroy him, or that he no longer deserved. 

 

He decided months ago that he no longer needed these things, things like friendship, relationships, or just people in general.  He may have wanted them, but he had learned that he was incapable of not getting in too deep, keeping a healthy distance. He knew that when he formed bonds with other people, whether romantic or platonic, he felt too much, trusted too easily, and would inevitably destroy everything he held dear.  He was a parasite, a cancer, slowly draining the life-force out of everything until it died. Yes, better to be lonely in the short-term than be the disappointment he already knew he was, letting another person down as he always has, dragging them into his Hell.

 

He lit a cigarette, sucking in the acrid taste of tobacco and smoke and holding it in until his lungs burned.  He blew out the smoke in one long exhale, almost as if it took too much effort to do even that. He turned away from the window, but left it cracked. He was going to work on his book and the cold breeze would help his concentration.  It would be a rough draft of two chapters, and half a pack of cigarettes later, before he was exhausted enough to fall to sleep, body taut with tension and shaking from the cold. 

 

* * *

 

Erwin woke just a couple of hours later, brain too active to rest.  He hurriedly dressed and readied himself for his usual morning jog. He walked outside, bracing himself for cold only to be gobsmacked by the sight of Levi standing in front of him in a pair of sweatpants and a thick fleece hoodie.

 

“You’re going jogging, right?”  Levi’s mouth was turned down into a frown.  Erwin could only nod. “Well, let’s get to it, then, before I freeze my fucking balls off.  What kind of stupid ass runs outside when it’s this damn cold.”

 

“I do not recollect requesting that you accompany me, my fragile little flower,” was Erwin’s quick reply.

 

“Lucky for you, I volunteered,” The shorter man quipped.

 

“Yes, to be so lucky,” Erwin sighed.  “Well, Princess, do try to keep up.” With that, Erwin took off running like the devil was on his heels, leaving his companion standing in the early morning fog.

 

“No fair, you fucker!”  He heard Levi shout before the pounding of feet on the damp sand started gaining on him.  He slowed after a moment to allow the shorter man to catch up without running out all of his energy.  He wasn’t sure if Levi was a runner, so he wanted to observe the other man in order to determine the pace and duration of his run.  They fell into an awkward silence for the first half mile.

 

“So, to what do I owe the honor of your presence this fine morning?”  He asked as Levi remained in step beside him.

 

“I just felt like it.”  Levi gave him a side glance.  “Besides, I’m not able to haul your lard ass off the beach if you kill over from a heart attack.”

 

“Why do you keep fat-shaming me?”

 

“Because I need to believe there’s a reason behind your complete lack of fashion, or, at least, your total ignorance of fit or shape.  Did I hurt your feelings?”

 

“Hardly,” Erwin snorted.  “Just curious.” Silence descended once again.

 

“Shit, how do you handle this cold?”  Levi said suddenly, a shiver in his voice.

 

“I just don’t think about it.”  Erwin shrugged. 

 

“How can you not think about it when your balls start retracting?”  Erwin couldn’t help but let out a bark of laughter.

 

“Classy,” he chuckled.

 

“Hey, I didn’t come along for the titillating conversation,” the small man huffed.

 

“Again, why did you come?  It can’t be for the exercise, because there is a treadmill in the gym.  You just admitted that you didn’t tag along for my charming wit. And I doubt you’re concerned about my well-being.  So, your majesty, why did you come?”

 

“Can’t a guy just want to hang out?  Fuck, you’re like a damn cop or something.”

 

“I suppose, but most people don’t really find me to be pleasant company,” Erwin huffed, starting to feel a little winded.  

 

“No shit.  I’ve seen rabid animals with better personalities, but beggars can’t be choosers and all that.”  Levi also sounded breathless and tired. “How long have we been at this?”

 

“About two miles.  Ready to turn back?”

 

“God, I forgot we have to run back.  How the fuck are you sweating right now?  I’m going to freeze to death.”

 

“You’re such a pussy, god,” Erwin teased with a roll of his eyes.  “Does the princess need a piggy-back ride?”

 

“Fuck you, fat-ass.”  Levi gave him a shove.

 

“Hey!  Just remember, I am bigger than you.  I’ll just throw you in the ocean.”

 

“You are such a child,” Levi growled.

 

“I’m not the one who has bitched for three miles.”

 

“I hate you.”   
  


“Most people do.”

 

“I’m cold.”

 

“I didn’t ask you to come.”

 

“You need a babysitter.”

 

“Says who?  You?”

 

“Well, at least a stylist.  Do you even own a mirror?”

 

“And you call me a child?”

 

“I’ll race you to the boathouse.”

 

“Wait, what?  Levi!” Erwin watched as Levi shot ahead of him, heading straight for the boathouse.

 

“Come on, you big, stupid bastard.”  Levi turned and jogged backward for a few moments before stumbling and almost falling.

 

“Graceful,” Erwin shouted as he ran past, but Levi righted himself and was quickly gaining on him.  

 

“Too slow.”  Levi rushed past in a blur and reached for the door of Erwin’s home.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?”

 

“I’m going to make sure you’re not hiding a dead body in there,” Levi said as he quickly opened the door and rushed inside.

 

“You little shit,” the blonde muttered as he rushed in after Levi.  “You know, I never knew there was a question of whether or not I had a dead body, but where.”

 

“The fuck?”  Levi turned to him, incredulous.

 

“You don’t really believe I have dead bodies lying around, do you?”

 

“No, but it would be a great place to hide one.  How in the hell do you live like this?” Levi gestured around him.  

 

“What?  It’s not that bad.”  It really wasn’t, if this was a frat house.  At least the dirty laundry seemed to be put away, and the trash seemed to be taken out recently.  The ashtrays were empty, so they were either decorative or recently cleaned. Bookcases lined the walls, stuffed, and covered in dust.  There was a small bar cart beside the fridge, but it wasn’t very well stocked, and didn’t look like it was used often. There was a door shut just to the far right of the room and a set of french doors in the back leading to the dock.  Very quaint.

 

“When was the last time you dusted.”  Levi crinkled his nose.

 

“I try to avoid it, if at all possible.  I have better things to do. Like work.” Erwin walked over to the small dorm fridge in the corner, pulled out a couple bottles of water, and threw one to Levi.

 

“Disgusting.  I’m going to have to clean this place.  See, you do need a babysitter.” Levi said with a frown.  

 

“I’ve managed this long without you, I think I’ll make it.”

 

“Debatable.”

 

“You’re not cleaning my house.”  Erwin stripped off his sweatshirt, leaving him in a shapeless, stretched long sleeved t-shirt, which he used the tail of to wipe the sweat from his face.  Levi would have been disgusted by such a display, had he not been distracted by the peek of rock-hard abs hidden under that abhorrent shirt. Erwin was far from having weight issues it seemed.  Based on that small glimpse, that fucker was one fine specimen. And when he turned to look at Levi, it was the first time he noticed Erwin wasn’t wearing his glasses and he was taken aback by how beautifully blue his eyes were.  Damn. Why did someone who was such a douche have to be so pretty?

 

“I’m cleaning.  You get no say in this, because you think that this is acceptable.  Where are your cleaning supplies?” 

 

“Under the bathroom sink.  But really, I need to work and you will only be a distraction.  I don’t like people around when I work.” The blonde ran a hand through his already messy hair, making it look worse than before.

 

“Do you work in the living room?”

 

“No, in the bedroom.”

 

“Then keep the door shut.”  Levi walked toward what he assumed was the bathroom.  Instead, he found the bedroom, which was actually cleaner than the rest of the house.  There was a desk in the corner, near a window, covered in various notes and a laptop. Next to that was a small set of shelves with a radio and a record player.  A large collection of vinyl albums were stacked on the remaining shelves. The bed was neatly made, and looked like it was barely ever slept in. Besides the music collection, the room looked cold and clinical.

 

“Do you mind?”  Erwin said as he followed Levi.  Levi turned and studied Erwin in the room.  Nothing. The room revealed nothing about the man.  Erwin never expressed any emotion that gave any clue what kind of man he was. He was a blank slate.  This man had an opportunity to be anybody, yet he chose to be nobody. Why?

 

“Am I going to find one of my albums in here?”  Levi teased walking toward the shelf.

 

“I’m afraid not.”

 

“Damn, you’re not kidding.  What the hell is this shit? Chopin, Mozart, and Debussy.  You’re such an old man.” Levi shuffled through a few more albums.  “Oh here we go. So your taste isn’t complete shit. Billie Holiday, Glen Miller, Van Morrison, and I do believe I see a Beatles album or two.  Looks like mostly jazz though. I like classic rock more, and maybe some Motown.”

 

“So, I meet your approval?”

 

“Good enough.”  Levi shrugged. “Now, cleaning supplies, and I’ll let you work.”

 

“We’re really not going to shower or anything first?”  Erwin looked almost amused.

 

“I’m getting ready to clean this pigsty.  I’ll shower after.” Levi found the bathroom and aforementioned cleaning supplies.

 

“Please make yourself at home, I guess,” Erwin muttered with a raised eyebrow.  He put on his glasses and sat down at the desk, booting up his computer. Levi studied him for a moment before going back into the living area to set to work.

 

* * *

 

_ ‘I’m so bored _ ,’ Erwin thought to himself as he leaned back in his chair to get the best angle for balancing his pencil on his nose.  He had been writing for two hours straight, and his ass was starting to go numb and his eyes were burning. Not to mention that he felt disgusting now that the sweat from his run had left his skin feeling damp and sticky.  He needed a break, and a shower, and maybe some food.

 

“What the fuck!”

 

Erwin had not been expecting that crude exclamation.  He had zoned out to the point that he had forgotten that his cleaning intruder was still there.  So, when Levi’s deep voice shocked him out of his bored stupor, it caused Erwin to jerk in surprise, upending the curiously balanced chair.  Erwin hit the floor with a loud thud, the pencil that was balanced on his nose rolled underneath his bed. Levi burst into the room without knocking, scowl firmly set on his face.

 

“Why are you on the floor?  Aren’t you supposed to be working?”

 

“I was getting ready to take a break when your screeching startled me.”  Erwin picked himself up and righted his chair. The pencil could wait, or probably remain there as he had more on the desk.

 

“You have so explaining to do, so it is wonderful time to take a break.”  Levi grabbed him by the elbow and almost dragged him to the bookcases in the living area.  “What the hell? Why do you have twenty copies of the same book, in different languages?”

 

“The publisher thought it would be nice gift if I had the first copy printed in each language.  I know it’s overkill but I couldn’t just throw them out.” Erwin pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and lit it.

 

“Don’t you know that shit will kill ya?”  Levi said, pulling the cigarette from Erwin’s lips and taking a drag before passing it back to him.

 

“Not fast enough, I’m afraid,” Erwin murmured darkly.

 

“You’re a morbid bastard, you know that?”

 

“What was your first clue?” Erwin asked gesturing at the bookcase.

 

“A lot of people read E.J. Smith novels, but they’re not as morbid as you.”  Erwin laughed at that. “What’s so funny?”

 

“You’re still not getting it, are you?”  Erwin pulled down one of the books from shelf and handed it to Levi.  First copy of the first book in the  _ TITAN _ series.  There was a bright green post-it from Pixis inside the cover, congratulating him on his first published work and anticipating a bestseller.

 

“Well hell.  Fuck, I feel like an idiot now.” 

 

“I’m surprised it took this long.”

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Not today, princess.  Not feeling it.”

 

“Why are you like this?”

 

“Because I love disappointing you.”  Levi shoved him and stole his cigarette completely.  Erwin just sighed.

 

“You know-“

 

“Oh god, here it comes…” Erwin groaned.

 

“One day, you  _ might _ actually want to impress someone,” Levi lectured.

 

“Unlikely.”

 

“Don’t you, I dunno, want to have a date sometime?” Levi asked.

 

“Can’t say that I do.”

 

“At least get laid?”

 

“I have two hands an obviously very active imagination,” Erwin deadpanned.

 

“Tche, you’re disgusting.”

 

“And if you tell me you don’t jack off, you’re a liar.”

 

“I thought I was outspoken.”  Levi actually blushed.

 

“Besides, I believe we determined that I’m generally unpleasant to be around.”

 

“You say that as if it’s your greatest accomplishment.”  Levi looked at out of corner of his eye.

 

“Maybe it is.”

 

“God, you’re impossible.”

 

“That’s was my soon-to-be ex-wife says.”  Erwin’s tone was dull, flat, no emotion.

 

“Damn, look, I’m really sorry.  I didn’t mean-“

 

“Why are you sorry?”  Erwin arched a brow.

 

“Well, you’re in the middle of a divorce.  I’m hounding you about getting laid and shit.  It has to be a sore spot.”

 

“Not particularly.”  Erwin was almost surprised by how true that statement was.

 

“What?”

 

“I’m almost glad actually,” Erwin said with a humorless chuckle.

 

“You’re not upset that your wife up and left your depressing ass?”  Levi looked at Erwin as if he were insane.

 

“Who said she was the one who left?”  That left the smaller man gaping like a fish.  “I found that infidelity is not something that I am able or willing to forgive, especially when my best friend is involved.  Maybe I’m just a control freak, or an unforgiving personality, but I think it is more the lack of trust that bothers me.”

 

“Fucking hell - with your best friend?  I blame him more than her though.” Levi was pale, almost as if he was sharing the experience.

 

“Well, I’m not ignoring his accountability, but he’s not the one trying to take half of my net worth.”  Erwin’s smile was flat and forced.

 

“No wonder you’re a dick.”

 

“Thanks.  Tell me how you really feel.”

 

“Really?  Well, in that case, I feel...disgusting.  You look disgusting and I’m hungry. Take a shower.  You’re driving me to town for breakfast.” Levi turned on a heel, fished the pack of cigarettes from Erwin’s pocket and walked toward the door.  Erwin just snorted and let it happen.

 

“Who said I was your personal chauffeur?”

 

“Not like your pathetic ass has anything better to do,” Levi threw over his shoulder and left.

 

* * *

 

The diner was actually quite busy for the early hour, and Levi was a little surprised.  He almost turned to leave. He didn’t want to chance being recognized. He nervously took in the chattering patrons, trying to gauge what his chances were.

 

“Don’t worry, princess.  All that’s here right now are retirees and fishermen.  I’m going to guess they aren’t your normal demographic,” Erwin whispered in his ear.  “It’s written all over your face. You would be a jewel to play poker against.” Erwin patted him so vigorously that he temporarily knocked the breath from him.  

 

“Erwin!  I see the hermit has left his cave!”  An older man shouted from the corner.

 

“Hello, Mr. Arlert, how are you this morning?”  Erwin greeted the man with a nod as a young waitress led them to a table.

 

“Finished writing book three yet?  We’re getting anxious to see what happens next,” Arlert teased.

 

“It’s in editing with my publisher as we speak,” Erwin confirmed, nodding the affirmative when the waitress offered coffee.  “Should be out sometime early next year.”

 

“Keep me posted,” the older man encouraged, turning back to his meal.

 

“So, everyone here knows who you are?”  Levi asked.

 

“Yeah, but they are a little protective over me.  They never mention it around tourists.”

 

“Yeah, Mr. Smith is our best-kept secret,” the waitress said as she prepared to take their orders.

 

“I’ll have the usual, Sasha.  Thanks.” Erwin gave her a small smile.

 

“Egg white veggie omelet with wheat toast.  Got it. And you?” 

 

“Egg whites? Really?”  Levi studied Erwin for a moment, curious.  “Hell with that. Chocolate chip pancakes with bacon.”

 

“Coming right up.”

 

“You are so weird,” Levi accused.

 

“So you keep telling me.”  Erwin took a sip of his coffee.

 

“How can you have another book out so soon?  It didn’t seem like there was that much time between the first two.”  Erwin studied Levi for a moment, and Levi wondered if he was going to be ignored.

 

“They were actually one book.  The publisher thought it best to break it down into two parts.  The subject matter is macabre and graphic, and they were uncertain if it would be a bestseller or a dud.  There really wasn’t much chance of it being somewhere in between.” The blonde twisted the edge of his paper napkin.  “I just sent the manuscript for book three out to the publisher about three days before you arrived. I’ve already started on the fourth book.”

 

“Damn. You are twisted,” Levi teased.

 

“Maybe.  But after the first book sold so well, the publisher wants to make it a series.  Right now, I have a contract to write seven books. If interest has not waned, then they will extend the series.  If it is no longer selling well by that time, I have to come up with some new material within a set amount of time, or they release me from their publishing list.”

 

“Any ideas yet?” Levi asked as Sasha delivered his pancakes.

 

“Not at all, but I have four more books to go before I have to figure it out.”  Erwin smiled a ‘thank you’ to the girl as she sat down his plate.

 

“You really eat that bland shit?”  Levi made a face at the innocuous food sitting on Erwin’s plate.

 

“I guess I got into the habit of eating like this a few years back, and I suppose I still eat like this out of habit,” the blonde explained.  That would definitely explain the solid body hiding underneath the unflattering clothes. The fact that Erwin would work out to the point of obsession at times had not escaped Levi’s notice.

 

“You some sort of health freak?”  Erwin laughed at that.

 

“I smoke more than I should and have my own mini bar.  No, I wouldn’t think that I’m much of a health freak,” he responded wryly.

 

“Here, then.”  Levi cut off part of his large stack of pancakes and slid them on to Erwin’s plate.  “Eat that. Probably the best pancakes I’ve ever had. They’ll put hair on your chest.”

 

“Put Hair on my chest?” Erwin asked, eyebrow raised in amusement.

 

“Yeah, something my mom used to say when I was growing up, trying to get me to eat new things.”  Levi felt a smile come to his lips at the thought of his mother. He still missed her terribly, even after all these years.

 

“Sounds like a wise woman.”

 

“She was.  At least to me anyway.  She died when I was twelve.”  Levi met Erwin’s eyes. “Now eat.”

 

“My mother left my father when I was five.  Last I heard, she was remarried and I think I may have a couple half siblings.  She sent a birthday card and a Christmas card that first year, but I never heard from her again.  I saw her once when I was on a school field trip to the zoo. She was there with her new family. She looked right at me and acted like I didn’t exist.”  Erwin took a tentative bite of pancakes.

 

“You’re so damn depressing.  Talk about something positive.”

 

“I have a bestselling novel?”

 

“There you go.  Baby steps.”

 

“Tell me why I put up with you again?”  Erwin scratched the stubble on his chin.

 

“Because you have no friends.”

 

“That’s because I don’t want any.”

 

“What is that saying?”

 

“No man is an island?”  Erwin guessed.

 

“No.”

 

“Once a dick, always a dick?”

 

“While completely accurate, not what I was thinking.”  Levi thought for a moment. “Ah, I know. Me doth thinks he protests too much.”

 

“You’re quoting it wrong.  It’s from  _ Hamlet _ and the correct quote is:  _ ‘The lady doth protest too much, methinks.’ _  Furthermore, I do not protest too much.  I like being an antisocial hermit.” Erwin ate another mouthful of pancakes.  Levi stole a bite of the man’s omelette 

 

“I don’t believe that,” he said after chewing his food.  “We get along just swimmingly.” Erwin laughed out loud at that.

 

“We do?  I would hate to see what would happen if we didn’t.”  Levi lowered his eyes, and stole another bite of the omelette.  He couldn’t handle how handsome Erwin was when he smiled. He wanted to keep a certain distance from the other man.  But it was hard. He started to admit to himself that the man was incredibly attractive, despite his obvious efforts not to be.  

 

“How do you eat this?  Put some salsa or something on it to give it some flavor.”  Levi added some salt and pepper before taking another bite.

 

“You get used to it after a while.  Besides, you keep eating it, so it mustn’t be too bad.”

 

“Smartass.”

 

“You hurt me deeply, Levi.”  Erwin clutched his chest over his heart.  “Right here.”

 

“Just shut up and eat.”

 

* * *

 

_ “Hello?” _

 

“Farlan!  Hey, it’s-“

 

_ “I know who it is.  Why are you calling here, Levi?” _

 

“I wanted to see how you guys are doing.  Or see if maybe I could visit for a few days.”

 

_ “We’re fine.  We’ve been fine.  We would be even more fine if you quit calling and shit.” _

 

“Farlan, please, you don’t mean that.  What about Isabel?”

 

_ “She wants to see you less than I do.  You can’t just disappear for months at a time and then show back up when you want.” _

 

“I know.  I’m sorry, but I travel so much with work.  I sent you guys tickets and passes for the show in Stohess.  You didn’t come.”

 

_ “Of course we didn’t.  You’re too good for us now, Me. Rockstar.  I bet you didn’t even know that Izzy is out of the wheelchair now.” _

 

“And just how the fuck am I supposed to know that?  You never answer my calls, texts. You won’t let me see you.  I’m not a damn psychic, Farlan. I’m trying here.”

 

_ “Too little, too late.  Bye Levi.” _

 

“Farlan?  Damn he hung up.”

 

Levi flopped back on the bed and gazed out the window at the single light shining from the boathouse.  He laid there staring at the light until the sounds of the ocean lulled him to sleep a couple of hours later.

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you feel, or feel free to just say 'hi.'


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look like shit.”
> 
> “Fuck you, motherfucker.”
> 
> “I think I’m starting to rub off on you. Did you sleep at all?” Erwin took in an obviously exhausted Levi. 
> 
> “A little. Enough.”
> 
> “You know you don’t have to do this every morning,” Erwin said.
> 
> “Fine. You go on your fucking run by yourself, asshole.” Levi turned and went back inside. Erwin blinked in confusion.
> 
> “I feel like I missed something,” he said to himself with a shrug. “Oh well, not my problem.” Erwin couldn’t quite shake off the feelings guilt even as he hit his fifth mile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Damn...I’m so sorry this has taken so long. I have been working on this chapter since July 31. Yeah, and it’s not that great, but it’s kinda a filler chapter, so...yeah. Anyway, life got super hectic and I battled a bout of depression in between, but you guys helped me through it, even if you don’t realize. So, huge shoutout to all my peeps on here and Tumblr! This chapter is dedicated to all of you!

“You look like shit.”

 

“Fuck you, motherfucker.”

 

“I think I’m starting to rub off on you.  Did you sleep at all?” Erwin took in an obviously exhausted Levi. 

 

“A little.  Enough.”

 

“You know you don’t have to do this every morning,” Erwin said.

 

“Fine.  You go on your fucking run by yourself, asshole.”  Levi turned and went back inside. Erwin blinked in confusion.

 

“I feel like I missed something,” he said to himself with a shrug.  “Oh well, not my problem.” Erwin couldn’t quite shake off the feelings guilt even as he hit his fifth mile.

 

* * *

 

Levi, however, sat at the window brooding.  He watched Erwin the entire duration of his morning run, feeling like a stalker.  He could have joined him. It may have helped him take his mind off the night before.  He knew Erwin meant nothing by telling him he could sit it out this morning, but it still pissed him off.  He was so fucking tired of people pushing him away. He felt discarded. He had been discarded his whole life.  Not that it was Erwin’s problem. Levi wasn’t even sure what drew him to the blonde anyway. But the pull was there, and Levi didn’t try to fight it.

 

That was why Levi found himself sitting in Erwin’s living room, playing his guitar, when Erwin returned from his run.  The blonde just looked at him and raised and eyebrow, clearly not surprised to find Levi sitting there. Levi just shrugged a shoulder and continued plucking at strings.

 

“The acoustics in this place aren’t worth shit,” Levi complained.

 

“Well, you know, you didn’t have to break in.  You could have stayed over there if my place bothers you so much.”  Erwin ran a hand through his sweaty hair, grimacing in disgust as he wiped his hand off on his shirt.

 

“It’s not breaking in if you leave your door unlocked, idiot.”

 

“Trespassing then.”

 

“Tche.  Enjoy your run?”  

 

“Not particularly, but it’s exercise, I never really enjoyed it to begin with.”

 

“Then why do it?”  Levi laid his guitar to the side and laid down on the couch to look up at Erwin.

 

“Habit,” The blonde replied.

 

“You seem to have a lot of those,” Levi mused.  “So, what’s the plan today?”

 

“Well, I have a couple of chapters outlined, So, I was going to write.  Since it’s my job and all.”

 

“Shower.  I brought over breakfast.  It’s not much, but better than anything you would come up with, I’m sure.  Bring your laptop in here and you can work while I write some songs. Change of scenery might do you some good,” Levi stood up and uncovered a warm plate of food.

 

“Do I get a say in this?”

 

“No, you don’t.  Now shower. You stink,” he scolded pushing Erwin toward the bathroom, laughing internally at the bewildered look on the blonde’s face.

 

* * *

 

 

“Must you keep doing that?”  Levi snapped. 

 

“What?  I’m not doing anything...well, other than typing...when I actually think of something to type.”  Erwin rolled his shoulders, and -

 

“If you don’t fucking stop clicking that goddamn pen, I’m going to shove it up your fat ass!”  Levi growled. Erwin leaned over and thrust his hand in Levi’s face and started clicking the pen faster than before.  “You’re a fucking child!”

 

“And you are so easy to bait,” Erwin said as he dodged Levi as the smaller man jumped at him in an attempt to grab the pen.  The dark-haired man turned and plotted his next attack, but Erwin just stood and held the pen over his head, out of Levi’s reach.

 

“You think you’re funny?”  Levi jumped in vain, while Erwin continued to click the pen.

 

“Not usually, but, I must admit, this is pretty damn funny.”  At least it was until Levi elbowed him the stomach, causing him to double over.  The smaller man took advantage and ripped the pen from Erwin’s hand, laughing in triumph.

 

“Finally!”

 

“You’re so violent,” Erwin coughed.

 

“You like it,” Levi snapped.

 

“Yes, I am  _ so _ into pain.  Spank me next time,” Erwin deadpanned.  Levi ignored the mental image that invoked, or at least filed it away to ponder on later.

 

“Regardless, I have the pen, now I can actually think.”  Levi sat back down in the floor in front of the coffee table.

 

“I’m glad one of us can.  I’m feeling restless today.  Like I can’t sit still.”

 

“Really?  I hardly noticed,” Levi snarked with a roll of his eyes.  “I thought you had outlines.”

 

“I’m not used to having an audience when I work.  It makes me antsy.”

 

“It’s because you’re an antisocial troll,” Levi quipped.

 

“As compared to a cantankerous gremlin?”

 

“You’re insufferable,” Levi said trying to hide his amusement.

 

“I keep telling you I’m intolerable, but here you are.”  Erwin motioned with a sweep of his arm.

 

“I hate you,” Levi said with amusement.

 

“No you don’t, despite my asshole status.”  Erwin’s responding grin was crooked and boyish.  Levi’s heart fluttered.

 

“Regardless, you can help me write some songs, if you’re so bored.  Just because you’re procrastinating on the job doesn’t mean I have to.”  Levi looked down at his knees, trying to ignore his reaction to Erwin’s soft, genuine smile.

 

“This may come as a surprise to you, but I know nothing about writing songs.  I have zero musical talent.” Erwin sat beside Levi, close enough for him to smell the light mint of his shampoo.

 

“No surprise about musical talent.  You even hum off key.”

 

“Never had any complaints about my humming before,” Erwin muttered.  It took a few seconds for the innuendo to sink in Levi’s brain.

 

“The fuck?”  Levi choked.

 

“What?”

 

“Did you just make a sex joke?”

 

“An oral sex joke, actually,” Erwin replied nonchalantly.  “And I suppose it’s more innuendo than a joke.”

 

“Okay, grammar police.  Let’s get to work.” Levi pulled out a tablet of paper and a pencil and handed them to Erwin.

 

“You’re serious?”

 

“Yes.  You’re a writer, so write,” Levi ordered.

 

“I write fantasy horror novels.  I’m not going to be much help.” Erwin doodled on the paper in front of him...a short, angry stick man with a sword.  “Besides, I don’t even know what type of music you play. I’ve never listened to any of your music.”

 

“It doesn’t matter.  I’ll worry about the music, you write some lyrics.”  Levi watched as Erwin continued to draw.

 

“Like that Hugh Grant movie?”

 

“Hugh Grant?  If you weren’t so obviously straight I would think you were gay based on the fact you know Hugh Grant movies.  All that RomCom bullish….Tche.”

 

“Straight?  I believe the term is bi-sexual.  And I take offense at your derision of my movie choices.  I happen to like Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore, thank you.”  Erwin’s voice was so monotone, like he was discussing the weather rather than his sexuality.

 

“Romantic comedies suck ass,” Levi replied, trying not to show that Erwin’s admission affected him, in ways he didn’t want to admit.

 

“Let me guess, horror buff?”

 

“Fuck no!  I like documentaries.”

 

“Noted,” Erwin chuckled.

 

“Asshole, write me a song,” Levi demanded.

 

“I told you, princess, that do not know how.”

 

“Well, give me some idea about what’s going on in that morbid head of yours.  It can’t be all gore,” Levi encouraged.

 

“Give me minute.  And don’t judge,” with that, Erwin leaned over the notepad and scribbled down a few things.

 

‘ _ Don’t be alone in a world that’s filled with make-believe.’ _

 

_ ‘I’m letting you go and all that you showed me.’ _

 

“Well, it’s a start.  Not a complete song by a long shot but I can actually work with this, “ Levi said peering over Erwin’s shoulder.  “I’m actually impressed. I was expecting complete crap, really.”

 

“I truly appreciate your confidence in me.  It’s overwhelming and I may just kill over knowing that a famous musician, such as yourself, doesn’t think this is utter garbage,” Erwin deadpanned.

 

“Dickhead.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

“Let’s get to work,” Levi laughed as he pulled the notepad between them and started adding his own contributions.

 

* * *

 

 

The ringing of his phone startled Levi enough that he jerked in surprise.  He had fallen asleep against Erwin’s shoulder. The blonde didn’t seem to mind as he sat quietly, tapping on his keyboard.  He hadn’t realized he had dozed off. He blinked a couple of times to orient himself, and spied a suspicious wet spot on Erwin’s shoulder.

 

“Are you going to answer that?” Erwin asked, still staring at the computer monitor.  “I can silence it for you if you would like to go back to sleep.”

 

“No, no, I’ll get it.”  He answered without looking, not realizing that he just answered a FaceTime request from Hange.

 

“Levi!  There you are.  Did I wake you? Why are you still asleep at this hour?  It’s two in the afternoon. You weren’t out drinking all night, were you?  You do know it’s in the middle of the week and not appropriate to get soused, right?  And, are you with a man? You didn’t tell me you had company. How long have you been seeing him?  Or did I interrupt a one nighter?”

 

“Hange.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Shut up,” Levi growled.  “God, you’ve been on the phone for two minutes and I’m already getting a headache.”

 

“We never hear from you.  I talk to Mike all the time, and Petra, but not you.  That, and…these kids are driving me crazy! I don’t know how my sister decided she wanted more than one of these demon spawn.  I’m in Hell!”

 

Levi heard Erwin bark out a laugh at that, even though he was trying his best not to listen to a conversation that was happening practically in his face.

 

“Levi?  Who is that?”  He could see Hange practically willing his phone to turn to get a glimpse of more than a damp shoulder.  Levi turned his phone in an attempt to humor Hange as well as to annoy Erwin.

 

“Hange, this is Erwin.  He is my neighbor and also a writer, so he’s helping me write some songs.”

 

“Allegedly.  We’ll see if any of my material actually makes it on an album.  Which I will never know, since I don’t listen to your music. No offense.”  Erwin decided to look up at Levi’s phone, so Hange could see more than the top of his head.

 

“Hey there.  Nice to meet you Erwin.”  Hange actually looked impressed by the blonde.  Levi mentally prepared himself for relentless teasing the first moment they were able to have a private conversation.

 

“Hange, it is a pleasure.”  Erwin’s smile was neither forced it awkward, but was just shy of genuine.  “I’m afraid my lackluster attempts of penning a Grammy winning song put Levi to sleep.  If you are depending on me, your next album just may be a dud. My apologies.”

 

“No, I’m sure it will be fine.  Levi is so picky about his songs...if it’s shit, he will let you know,” Hange confirmed.

 

“Thanks for the warning.”  With a smile, Erwin went back to typing.  Levi turned the phone back to himself.

 

“Now that you know I’m alive, you can leave me alone so I can get back to work,” Levi growled, and Erwin snorted in amusement.

 

“If you consider snoring working…”

 

“I didn’t ask you, shithead.”

 

“Well, I’m gonna go and leave you two love birds to it.  I may make a trip down there next couple of weeks to see you, if that’s okay.  I need the break from these hellions,” Hange practically begged.

 

“Yeah, Fine.  Just call first.”  Levi chose to ignore the other commentary.

“See ya!”  Hange sing-songed before disconnecting abruptly.

 

“Charming,” Erwin commented with a grin.

 

“You mean she’s a fucking nuisance,” Levi spat, tossing his phone on the coffee table.

 

“But she means a lot to you,” Erwin not so much asked as accused.

 

“Yeah, she’s my fucking world.  She...she just…”

 

“You don’t owe me an explanation, Levi,” the blonde interrupted.  “Just appreciate that you are lucky enough to have someone like that in your life.  Many of us don’t.” Erwin took a deep breath and stood, leaving Levi feeling off balance and cold.

 

“You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Erwin said quickly, lighting a cigarette.  “My ass is numb and I’m hungry.” He offered the pack to Levi, and he procured one and accepted the proffered lighter.  “You want to go eat in town? There’s a little seafood place on the pier. It’s nothing fancy but the food is wonderful.”

 

“Are you volunteering to go to lunch with me, you hermit?”

 

“Fuck you.  I rescind my invitation if you’re going to be that way.”  Erwin’s words were caustic, but he lacked the bitter bite in his tone.

 

“Don’t be like that,” Levi said with a little kick to the man’s foot.  “I’ll go with your grumpy ass, and you’ll be glad of it.”

 

“Then, by all means, princess, get your skinny ass up and get your shoes.  I’m starving and I will not wait forever.”

 

Levi did as he was told, confused as to the shadows that clouded Erwin’s beautiful blue eyes.  And internally scandalized that he wanted to do something about it.

 

* * *

 

The sun was shining and was actually proving a little warmth against the chilling sea breeze as they walked the pier to the small restaurant.  It looked a little worse for wear on the outside, but Levi decided to trust Erwin on this. He was pleasantly surprised by the warm, welcoming decor on the inside as they entered.  

 

“Erwin, it’s so good to see you,” a slightly balding, older man said with a warm smile as they walked through the door.  “And you brought a friend. I thought you said you didn’t have any of those.” The man’s tone was light and teasing, making sure not to cause any offense.

 

“Oh, Levi?  He’s like a stray.  I fed him once, and now he follows me around every now and then.  I think it’s out of pity though,” Erwin joked as Levi scowled at him.  Erwin just winked at him in response.

 

“Nah, you’re a great guy to have around.  The porch is open if you want to eat out there.  Go ahead and seat yourself and I’ll get you some menus.”

 

“Thanks, Dieter.”  Erwin lead Levi to the back of the restaurant.  The “porch” was exactly that. However, it was enclosed with large windows, providing shelter from the weather.

 

“Nice,” Levi commented as he selected a table close to outside wall overlooking the ocean.

 

“It’s better in the summer.  They take out the windows, so you get a nice breeze,” Erwin explained as he looked out the window while absently scratching at the stubble on his chin.

 

“Hope you guys are hungry.  The missus has been trying new recipes all week and has executively decided that you will be her guinea pigs.  So, a sampler platter for an appetizer, on the house. I swear, if she wasn’t so into bald men, I would almost think she had a crush on you, Erwin.  Oh, she said to tell your friend that he was adorable in his last GAP commercial.”

 

Levi choked on his water as Erwin laughed hysterically.  The blonde pounded on his back as Levi tried to get air into his lungs, but he showed no concern as to Levi’s well being as he continued laughing so hard his face became flushed and eyes started to water.

 

“You are an asshole,” Levi choked out gruffly.

 

“I just got a mental picture of this...you in khakis, wearing a cardigan in some random pastel color, and dancing around sing pop covers.  Beautiful.” Erwin ducked the wad of paper napkins thrown at his face as he was seized by another fit of uncharacteristic giggles. 

 

“Why are you like this?”  Levi was finally able to catch his breath as well make contact with Erwin’s head with palm of his hand.

 

“Oh, god, sorry,” Erwin breathed as his chuckles started to subside.  

 

“Yeah, you look it,” the smaller man pouted.

 

“I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard,” the blonde admitted.  And, well, Levi found that’s to be just so fucking sad. He had learned a few things about Erwin, and all of them painted a pretty drear picture.  First, he alleged that he delighted in in his seclusion, but he was surprisingly friendly and chatty when with people he was more acquainted. He envied Levi’s relationship with Hange, yet he made no effort to befriend anyone.  This whole town seemed to genuinely like the man, but was surprised if he wasn’t alone. 

 

“It’s not polite to stare.”  Erwin’s voice broke Levi from his thoughts.

 

“Neither is laughing your fat ass off while I was choking to death.”  Levi glared and Erwin bit his lip to keep from smiling. “Why do I put up with you?”

 

“I keep asking myself that same question, and the only thing I can think of is convenience.  I’m sure you wouldn’t bother with me if you actually had more options around here.” It was meant as a joke, and Levi  _ knew _ that, but it still made something icy settle in his chest.

 

“No, I think that I would still hang around your self-deprecating ass anyway.”

 

“Well, you would be an exception.”

 

“You know some really shitty people.  No wonder you’re a fucking depressing hermit.  I don’t think I would like any of the people you associate with outside of this town.”  When their eyes met, Erwin blushed and diverted his gaze.

 

“You’re opinion of me has changed dramatically as of late,” Erwin muttered, snatching a morsel from the platter in front of them.

 

“Yeah, you’re all bark.  Rub your tummy just right and you roll over and lay down.”  Levi followed Erwin’s example and speared some food for himself.  He had just started chewing a deep fried bacon wrapped scallop when..,

 

“Rub my tummy just right?  Aren’t you afraid that it’ll make me want to do more than just lay down?”  Erwin raised an eyebrow.

 

“You’ve got to quit saying shit like that!”  Levi spat after he bit his tongue.

 

“But princess, you are so easy to fluster.”  Just like that, the heaviness between them dissipated, returning things between them back to normal.  It was masterful, the way Erwin could turn a situation around and manipulate his way out of anything approaching uncomfortable or personal.  Levi would let it slide this time, but he fully intended to figure out what made Erwin Smith tick. He had plenty of time on his hands. And really, as Erwin pointed out, he had nothing better to do.

 

* * *

 

 

Erwin sighed as he reread the five paragraphs he had just written.  It was complete and utter crap, and he had to physically restrain himself from chucking his laptop through the window.  After all, it wasn’t the laptop’s fault that he just typed out a whole page of this abhorrent inaneness that he attempting to pass off as intelligible writing.  Instead, he took a deep breath to calm himself and held down the backspace key until all that he found offensive was erased from his screen. Sure, it would have been easier to highlight and delete the text, but not nearly as satisfying.

 

Time for a break.

 

Erwin stood and stretched while glancing at the clock.  It was just after one in the morning. He lit a cigarette and poured himself some bourbon, hoping the alcohol would help him relax enough to sleep.  He felt like he was wound as tight as a spring and that his skin was two sizes too small...claustrophobic. That was it. He felt claustrophobic. And lonely.  He wasn’t used to feeling this way. He was adjusting just fine to his self-imposed isolation, thank you. Then came Levi. Levi who was just as caustic and nasty as himself, but forced Erwin to be social, eat things his former nutritionist would balk at, and cleaned his house.  Levi who made him laugh, stole his cigarettes, and fell asleep on his shoulder. The very same Levi that had Erwin wanting something more than solitude, wanting to feel more than indifference. He wasn’t sure if he liked that or not.

 

They had parted ways not long after their late lunch that bled over into dinner hours.  They left the as the restaurant started filling up with the after-work crowd. When they returned to the boathouse, Levi gathered his things and claimed he had some business obligations to attend to.  Erwin didn’t question the truthfulness of this declaration at the time, and he most definitely was not going to ponder on it now.

 

Instead, he was going to do something that he swore he wasn’t.  He was going to Google Levi and his band. He felt like such a creeper, but he tried to convince himself that this was a normal thing to do.  When the search populated over a million results, he didn’t feel nearly as bad. He found a link to a YouTube video of a live performance and clicked it.  

 

The opening shot was of the crowd of concert goers, and, judging by size of said crowd, No Name was quite popular.  It was obvious that the video was recorded by a professional from the stage based on the quality and angle. Probably used for promotional purposes and future music videos.   When the first notes of the song started playing, the crowd went wild, so much so, that the band temporarily stopped playing.

 

The camera then focused on the band.  Hanji first, looking beautiful and androgynous as her fingers began masterfully danced across her guitar strings.  Next, the video showed the drummer, a tall, handsome man with shaggy blonde man with a slight stubble along his jaw.  Finally, the feed landed on Levi’s grinning face as he waited for the crowd to calm. Erwin noted that each of them wore a blindfold of sorts, made from bandages, which he thought was strange, but to each their own.

 

When the camera zoomed out to show the full length of Levi’s body, Erwin felt his mouth go dry.  It was obvious that this particular song appeared later in the performance if the sheen of sweat on Levi’s pale skin was anything to go by.  His white shirt was clinging to his chest, showing the outline of the corded muscles underneath. The delectable curve of his ass was encased in tight, black leather.

 

_ You see that stranger coming up the hill _ _   
_ _ Though you don't recognise him, I know your preacher will _ _   
_ _ Got a voice like sugar, sugar in your teeth _ _   
_ _ And he could sing it when it's alright _ _   
_ __ Sing it sweeter than me

 

Holy hell.  Levi could sing, which Erwin thought was a given.  What he didn’t expect was that Levi was a  _ sexy  _ performer.  Oh, the man himself was simply gorgeous, but he just didn’t seem the type to play to a crowd like that.  And when Levi rolled his hips, dancing with the music, Erwin felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time...desire.

 

He had written off sexual arousal over a year ago, believing that a combination of depression and medication killed his libido for good.  While not thrilled with this outcome, it was something that he had convinced himself that he had to live with. But watching a sweaty, sultry Levi sing about someone taking his body, he could feel his body reacting and was almost embarrassing.  This was  _ Levi _ , the only person who has put any effort into being around Erwin, in more than a professional sense, in over a year.  Here Erwin was getting hard at the image of Levi’s leather clad ass dancing around the stage. With every roll of the smaller man’s hips, Erwin wondered how it would feel having Levi ride his dick.

 

“Damn,” Erwin growled, slamming his laptop shut, angry at himself for thinking these things about Levi.  They were just starting to get along and Erwin didn’t want to screw it up. He was determined to block his new-found feelings of desire...starting tomorrow.  Tonight he would give in and let himself fantasize. It was the first boner he’s had in over a year, after all. It would be a shame to waste it.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sons referenced in order of appearance:  
> Erase My Scars - Evans Blue. https://youtu.be/09y8THtoqJc
> 
> Do Your Worst - Rival Sons. https://youtu.be/Vx60Fsu-w9M
> 
> Let me know.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. Should I continue? Should I trash it? Thanks for reading.


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